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The Klown can sympathize

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A teenage boy said he was sodomized inside Erotic City Thursday night.

The 16-year-old told police that at about 9 p.m., a man in a Mercedes offered him a ride and took him to Erotic City, an adult-entertainment complex that is in between the city limits of Kansas City and Independence.

The boy said he was sodomized in a viewing booth. Yes -- I can see how being raunched in the fudgetunnel would make you a silent little lamb -- nothing to fight or cry out about. Hell -- you prolly never felt your pants come down, right? Just a little up and down motion and, before you knew it, cum was dripping out your bunghole -- right? That pretty much how it happened? You can tell us -- we've ALL been there -- we understand -- now make a clean breast of it.

The teen said he had been hitching when he was picked up, so he doesn't know who the man was. The man was about 35 years old.

Earlier this week, Jackson County Executive Mike Sanders vowed to crack down on Erotic City. LOL @ "Crack" down. Yessir -- we're going to erect a stiff opposition to the smut front. WE CAN'T LICK IT BY BEING SOFT (George Carlin) More here:

Oscar nominees announced

OH - pardon me while I don't give a damn. Ok -- now -- what were you saying?

Oh -- the "Oscars?" Isn't that the award they give to movies which do the greatest harm to capitalism? Or -- maybe the movie who has the most communist director or actor? Or the one that puts America down the most?

You know -- like the uh -- the uh -- Oh yeah -- the Nobel peace prize?

Well -- the only reason I even care in the SLIGHTEST is because the writers are on strike and that is going to fuck the Oscars up, but good. And, if that happens, the egos of a WHOLE BUNCH of communist Hollywood pinheads are at risk.

World's biggest pool

Measuring almost 3,500 ft in length, even the strongest swimmers may baulk at the idea of doing laps in this pool.

So it's no surprise the San Alfonso del Mar seawater pool in Algarrobo, Chile has been named the world's largest outdoor swimming pool by the Guiness Book of World Records.


More (bigger) pics and stuff here:

WTF is a "Brokered Convention?"

Well -- I've been hearing this term batted about lately and I didna capisky -- so I looked it up. I still don't completely understand -- "Political horsetrading?" -- wtf does that mean in this context? I need an example.

Wikipedia says:
A brokered convention refers to a situation in United States politics where there are not enough delegates obtained during the presidential primary and caucus process for a single candidate to obtain a majority for the presidential nominating convention. Since no candidates receive enough votes on the first ballot to win the nomination, the convention is brokered through political horse-trading and multiple ballots.

Before the era of presidential primaries, conventions were routinely brokered. Adlai Stevenson in 1952 for the Democratic Party and Thomas Dewey in 1948 for the Republican Party were the last two candidates selected through a brokered convention. The last seriously contested convention was the 1976 Republican convention, where Gerald Ford beat Ronald Reagan on the first ballot without obtaining a majority of delegates through the primary and caucus process.

Since then, there have been many years where brokered conventions were projected, but did not come to pass. In 1988, a brokered convention was predicted for the Democrats since multiple candidates won the Super Tuesday primaries that year.[1] More here:

Shut your trap, jackass

From The Grodner Effect:

An elected official charged with falsely claiming he earned the military's highest honor has filed a motion to dismiss the federal case against him on free speech grounds.

The motion argues that the Stolen Valor Act of 2005, under which water board member Xavier Alvarez was charged, is incompatible with the First Amendment because it restricts free speech by criminalizing false claims of military honors.

Alvarez, an elected representative to the Three Valleys Municipal Water District, said last year at a water district meeting that he was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his deeds as a Marine. More here:

What a dipshit. He was never even in the service. I wonder what his punishment will be.

The Klown speculates this guy was running down the war in Iraq, or Presidink Bush, or something similar and used his "Medal of Honor" to justify his positions -- of course, I could be wrong -- but I rarely am.

Carbon footprint contest

Found it at GOC:

Ye Olde Carbon Footprint Calculator:

We'll have a contest. You have to answer how many peeps in your household -- but then you click on "Calculate for me only." We'll see who's stomping the biggest carbon mudhole in whose ass.

Here are my results -- but I've been made to feel ashamed -- I think my emissions are only this low because I'm poor.

Post your results in the comments.

What? I'm just poking a bear?

From LGF:

Dutch politician Geert Wilders, whose hair puts John Edwards’ hair to shame, is about to broadcast a short film that many fear will provoke violence from followers of the Religion of Peace™.

The Dutch government is bracing itself for violent protests following the scheduled broadcast this week of a provocative anti-Muslim film by a radical right-wing politician who has threatened to broadcast images of the Koran being torn up and otherwise desecrated.

Geert Wilders, one of nine members of the extremist VVD (Freedom) party in the 150-seat Dutch lower house, has promised that his film will be broadcast - on television or on the internet - whatever the pressure may be. It will, he claims, reveal the Koran as ‘source of inspiration for intolerance, murder and terror’.

In Amsterdam, Rotterdam and other towns with large Muslim populations, imams say they have needed to ‘calm down’ growing anger in their communities. More here:

Ha Ha -- WTF is wrong with this Dutch guy -- has he grown tired of having his melon firmly attached to his shoulders?

Yes -- the "imams" are having to "calm down" the practitioners of the religion of peace."

Did you ever notice that twitching, pea-brained jackasses are ALWAYS on the lookout for a reason to get "offended" so they can have a reason to be violent? Think about it. Everyone knows the type.

This mindset can apply to an individual or a group -- either way, it never seems to apply to the likes of doctors or rocket scientists or surveyors -- it only seems to apply to idiots. Funny, huh?

Hey -- I wonder what the world would say if Christians starting beheading jackasses who insulted Jesus Christ? Or suicide bombing mosques? Not really -- I don't wonder.

Brown-out en masse

From NTDWA:

Chilean man wakes up at his own wake
An 81-year old man in the small Chilean village of Angol shocked his grieving relatives by waking up in his coffin at his own wake.

When Feliberto Carrasco's family members discovered his body limp and cold, they were convinced that the octogenarian's hour had come, so they immediately called a funeral home, not a doctor.

Carrasco was dressed in his finest suit for the wake, and his relatives gathered to bid him a final farewell.

"I couldn't believe it. I thought I must be mistaken, and I shut my eyes," Carrasco's nephew Pedro said. When I opened them again, my uncle was looking at me. I started to cry and ran to get something to open up the coffin to get him out."

The man who "rose from the dead" said he was not in any pain, and only asked for a glass of water.

Local radio also surprised listeners by announcing a correction to Carrasco's death announcement, saying the news had been premature.

Man -- if this guy had slept another 2-3 hours, he would have been toast -- capisce?

Gentle nazi shoots self by accidink

NEW YORK - A man who was arrested Sunday on charges of having a cache of weapons in his Brooklyn apartment has also been accused of spray-painting swastikas throughout a neighborhood in September, authorities said. Ivan Ivanov, 37, of Brooklyn Heights, allegedly painted the anti-Semitic markings on two synagogues, three private houses, two cars, and other areas.

In connection with the vandalism, Ivanov was charged with 23 counts of aggravated harassment and 23 counts of criminal mischief, the New York City Police Department said. Early Sunday, officers discovered the weapons cache that included eight pipe bombs, three firearms and a crossbow, police said. They said they were led to the discovery after Ivanov reported a gunshot wound to his finger.

Ivanov, the resident of the apartment, was arrested on charges of criminal possession of a weapon, unlawful wearing of a body vest and reporting a false incident, police said.

Ivanov initially claimed that someone had shot him in the finger, but investigators later determined that the gunshot wound was self-inflicted, police said.

Neighbors said Ivanov had lived in the apartment for several years.

"He seems like a really nice guy, a really gentle person," said James Robinson, 45, a resident of the same building as Ivanov, in Monday editions of the New York Times.

Yes -- very nice guy -- kept to himself -- very gentle person. I wonder if he'll even go to jail. I think the chances are low he'll spend much time in jail -- but, if he DOES go to jail, I'll bet he comes out a reformed person, don't you? I sure am glad our justice system knows how to deal with people like this.

UPDATE - CHECK OUT HIS ROOMATE

Police stumbled upon a bomb-making factory Sunday in the home of a Columbia professor who specializes in the spread of infectious disease - and are investigating whether he and his roommate have terror ties. (Hmmm anthrax boy?)

Cops evacuated the Brooklyn Heights neighborhood around the Remsen St. home of Michael Clatts, a medical anthropologist, after finding seven pipe bombs fitted with fuses in his flat, police sources said.

Terrorists get free food and fuel

A worker unloads fuel at the main power plant in Gaza City, Gaza Strip, on Tuesday

GAZA City, Gaza Strip - Israel resumed fuel supplies to the Gaza Strip’s main power plant Tuesday, offering limited respite from a blockade that plunged much of the Hamas-ruled territory into darkness and touched off international protests.

The shipment included at least three days’ worth of European Union-funded fuel for the generating plant, which shut down on Sunday after Israel sealed border crossings in what it termed a response to Palestinian cross-border rocket salvoes. Free fuel for Gaza terrorists -- YAY!!!!

Israel said it would also allow in 132,000 gallons of diesel for generators, a supply of cooking gas and 50 trucks of food and medicine, though restrictions on petrol for cars remained.

“Our approach now is to assess what is acutely lacking, and permit imports on that basis,” Israeli Defense Ministry spokesman Shlomo Dror said.

The European Union and international agencies denounced the Israeli closure as illegal “collective punishment” against Gaza’s 1.5 million residents, many of whom depend on foreign aid. Gazans stockpiled food and medical officials. "Many?" -- Try "The great majority," Mr. OBJECTIVE JOURRRRRNALIST. Hey -- I'll bet the food and medical officials are free too. Get in the box you medical official, you -- and pipe down.

The decision to allow in emergency supplies, Israeli officials said, followed a decline in the number of salvoes. Not a "stopping" -- just a "decline."

“We have learned that Hamas controls the rocket fire. It has to be clear to the residents of the strip that it is Hamas' conduct that harms them, not Israel’s,” Dror said. Yes -- and correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the citizens of Gaza vote Hamas into their government? And the world is waiting for the Klown to feel sorry for the residents of Gaza?

Hamas refuses to give up its fight against Israel and opposes peace moves by Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, whose administration condemned the Israeli closure as harmful to diplomacy.

Palestinians launched at least one rocket into Israel from Gaza on Tuesday, causing no damage, the military said. There was no immediate claim of responsibility. More here:

I have to ask you -- if there were an area within a few miles of where you lived -- and the residents of that area launched missiles into your area every fucking day -- what would YOU expect your government to do about it? Would YOU be ok with just a couple of missiles a day and tell your government to go ahead and let them get their free food and fuel?

Quick - get the cash - BLAM!

MELBOURNE, Australia - Two Australian robbers thought they were hauling away a big sack of cash from the Cuckoo Restaurant, but it turned out to be bread rolls — and one of them accidentally shot the other in the buttocks during the heist.

Benjamin Jorgensen, 38, and his accomplice Donna Hayes, 36, were sentenced Tuesday after pleading guilty to robbing the restaurant in the southern Australian city of Melbourne on April 1 last year.

During the April Fools Day holdup, Jorgensen grabbed what he believed was a bag with the Cuckoo's daily take of about U.S. $26,000 in cash, but later found it was full of bread rolls, the Victorian County Court heard.

He also fired his gun accidentally during the heist, shooting Hayes in the buttocks.

Judge Roland Williams told the robbers they were a "pair of fools," before sentencing Hayes to eight years in prison and Jorgensen to seven.

Earlier this week, defense lawyer Greg Thomas said Jorgensen had been under the influence of drugs at the time, had made a full admission to police and was remorseful, News Ltd. newspapers reported.

Shocker -- a couple of mental retards flailing around with guns and they SCREW UP? Holy smoke -- what are the chances?

But Klown -- he said he was sorry -- that shows he's not completely gone, right?

WRONG, libtard. You libtards keep confusing real life with the fairy tales your parents read you when you were kids. These fucks are ALWAYS remorseful when they get caught. Meanwhile, If they had gotten the money, the bread company would be missing $26,000 curp. Then they'd file with their insurance and the insurance company would have to raise EVERYONE'S rates to pay for it -- SEE?

But Klown, it's only a few pennies for everyone -- can't we just let him go this time?

The Klown will make a deal. YOU pay the $26,000 -- go ahead -- call your lib friends and get a collection going -- but keep your lib mitts out of MY pocket -- stop forcing your beliefs onto MY wallet -- otherwise I should be able to force you to contribute to the Church of the Thirsty Klown -- capisce?

Commune with THIS, bitch!

Jackass unhappy with MLK day

DALLAS, Jan. 21 (UPI) -- A Dallas minister who marched with civil rights leader the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., said Monday's birthday observance holiday is an insult to his legacy.

The Rev. Peter Johnson, 62, director of the Texas operations for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, told The Dallas Morning News the holiday should be on April 4, the anniversary of the date King was assassinated.

"We have ignored the essence of his life and the horror of his death," said Johnson. "We've allowed white America to escape the guilt of his assassination and we've allowed black America to drift back into a coma."

Yes -- but all the racist bullshit you spout is NOT an insult to his legacy, right -- REVEREND?

Here's some more of his bullshit.

... we play a speech by longtime activist and former SCLC staffer, the Rev. Peter Johnson who says, “War is not the answer. Only love can conquer hate. If Bush is right, then Marvin [Gaye] was wrong. If Bush is right, then Mohandas Gandhi was wrong. If Bush is right, Henry David Thoreau was wrong. If Bush is right, Martin Luther King Jr. was wrong. If Bush is right, Jesus of Nazareth was wrong.” More here:

Yeah - yeah -- Bush is the devil right? White America needs to feel guilty, right? Pipe down you racist communist hyena.

Have you noticed?

Oftentimes when someone does some off-the-wall crazy-assed shit -- when they get caught -- it's all "the voices told me to do it ... I did it to shut the voices up."

Hell -- these "voices" tell people to "kill him and take a bite out of his brain" -- or "strangle him/her and cut them up in small pieces and put them in the fridge."
How come the voices never say "go over to Klown's house when he's not home and paint the barn -- or wax his car etc" -- oh HELLLL no -- I mean, WTF @ these voices anyway? Are they ALL evil?

Not one person has ever been caught surreptitiously doing something good and then said "Man, I HAD to do it -- the VOICES man - THE VOICES!!"

Another thing -- do the "voices" tell you to simultaneously take on the look of a deranged, come-ass-pletely out-of-your-gourd psycho-killer whilst psycho-killing? I guess they must. Sheesh -- it's a huge problem.

Terrorist murderers inconvienienced

Palestinians wait to buy cooking gas from a station in the Gaza Strip on Sunday.

The Klown loves how the media refers to them as "Palestinians."

Israeli blockade deepens hardship in Gaza
Hospitals risk running out of drugs, fuel; main power plant shut Sunday

Uh-huh -- perhaps this headline should read:

CONTINUOUS LAUNCHING OF ROCKETS INTO ISRAEL BY JACKASS TERRORISTS CAUSES DEEPENED HARDSHIP IN GAZA -- now wouldn't THAT be more honest?

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip - Gaza hospitals will run out of drugs and fuel for generators within a few days unless Israel eases the border blockade it imposed to curb Palestinian rocket attacks, international organizations said Monday.

Residents of the Hamas-controlled territory awoke to nearly traffic-free streets and shuttered shops, with petrol in short supply due to Israeli restrictions and Gaza’s main power plant shut down since late on Sunday.

European Union-funded fuel for the power plant is being held in storage at the Nahal Oz crossing, awaiting Israel’s decision on resuming supplies. Once Israel authorizes the transfer of the fuel, it will take more than 12 hours for the plant to begin operating, the officials said.

“If the Qassam (rocket) fire on Israel does not stop, Israel will continue with its pressure on Gaza,” Israeli Vice Premier Haim Ramon told Army Radio. “It is illogical for a country that is attacked by rockets to supply the attacker with power, fuel and water,” he said. Uh -- yeah -- I thought I was the only one who realized this -- you know -- since you allow them to launch rockets into your country every fucking day.

Despite its tough public line, Israel has not cut off its direct supply of electricity to the Gaza Strip. Egypt also provides power, to the southern part of the territory.

Well -- I think I recall reading that the Gaza strip is the most densely populated place on earth -- which means there are a lot of peeps in a small area -- which means that you can't really just "send them up the bomb" without someone seeing your raggedy ass doing it -- capisce?

Therefore, I submit that the people of Gaza could stop the rockets if they were sufficiently motivated.

I think I would set up a surveillance program to watch area from the sky -- and, anytime a rocket came up, immediately & completely obliterate the area within 100 yards of the site. 3-4 of those and I think peeps would stop their "brethren" from launching the rockets -- not to mention the probable demise of the terrorist jackasses who launched them.

In exchange for that, I'd go ahead and let them have their fuel & water.

Of course -- Israel needs to stop with the illegal settling of the west bank etc -- but illegal settlements don't blow limbs from people's bodies.

You like zee potatos, yes?

From J-Walk:

They are DEEElicious ... But how much do you know about them?

I took the quiz -- to answer a question, you click on the question mark by the answer -- when you're done with a question, you click on the empty box to the right of 1/10 at the top. They take points off if you get it on the 2nd or 3rd attempt. No Googling.

Remember THIS jackass?

From Blackfive:

UPDATE AT BOTTOM:

Anti-Military Lawyer Damages Marine's Car on Eve of Deployment

Marine Sgt Mike McNulty is on activation orders to Iraq (second tour). On December 1st, 2007, Mike went to visit a friend in Chicago before deploying to say goodbye. In order to get to his friend's residence, and keep in mind that Chicago is a myriad of diagonal and one-way streets, the front entrance (right way) to the one-way street was blocked. Mike, being a Marine, overcame and adapted by driving around the block to the other end of the street and backing up all the way to his friend's place.

While saying goodbye, at about 11am, he noticed a man leaning up against his car. Mike left his friend's apartment and caught the man keying his car on multiple sides.

Man -- what a jackass this lawyer is being. (Shocker) Read the rest here -- apparently there is going to be followup on this story.

Hey, lawyer-boy -- I hope he gets your arrogant ass disbarred. Although, I read the piece and they doubt the lawyer will get any punishment at all.

Isn't it funny -- a lawyer would ruin a politician's career for something like this -- but for a lawyer -- it's not a problem. The only time they "disbar" anyone is when the media is focusing on them daily for months -- and then only when they've almost murdered someone.

UPDATE:

By Michelle Malkin • January 18, 2008 08:49 PM

I mentioned this morning that lawyer Jay Grodner, accused of keying a Marine’s car on the eve of his deployment, was scheduled to appear at a hearing today. The hearing took place and reader Beverly Pearson e-mails an account of what happened:

It was awesome. There were probably 15 folks who showed up in support of Sgt. McNulty. Big guys with Marine Corp. jackets on! The creepy attorney was late again! His lawyer got up and told the judge Attorney Grodner was late because he wanted to let the “press” clear out! The judge was really mad then and ordered a warrant immediately. Then the lawyer says Grodner is coming and will show up within 30 minutes. The judge says he will be arrested when he gets here. Sure enough, Grodner walks in and two cops take him out and cuff him.

Long story short, he has to pay $600 to a Semper Fi Fund (Marine [Corps] fund for the wounded) and he has to report for Social Services probation once per month for a year. Judge told him if he screws up and misses any he will be arrested and will serve 364 days in jail! He told Grodner that the reason the courtroom was so full was because Sgt. McNulty belongs to The Band of Brothers and this is what he can expect when he mistreats a Marine (not his exact words but the same meaning)…

He really admonished him and the part I really liked was when the judge made Grodner admit he keyed Sgt. McNulty’s car. He also explained to him about military plates and how people pay extra because the monies go into a fund for scholarships. I cried but they were tears of joy!!!!!!!!!!!

Sgt. McNulty’s damages were $2400 but his car is fixed and just like The Band of Brothers, he asks that this creep give $600 to a fund for his Brothers. God Bless The Band of Brothers. This is a story the whole world should read about.

Ahhhh -- heartwarming, eh? I'll bet you thought the Klown forgot all about this. Yes -- the Klown is known for being an amnesiac. I went ahead and posted this -- I didn't want to wait until the mainstream lib media covered it -- LOLOLOLOL.

What I really wonder though, is how can this guy keep on being an officer of the court? A Lawyer? I wonder if a cop could keep his job after being caught at this? Well -- no matter -- what were we going to do -- lose our respect for LAWYERS? Oh .. no wonder they call you the Klown -- you're so funny.

Sometimes Klowns aren't "funny" -- sometimes they try to figure out how to dispense justice -- then they go back to being funny -- see? HAHA!!!

Mexican geniuses learn Italian word

From Hot Air:

A delegation of nine state legislators from Sonora was in Tucson on Tuesday to say Arizona’s new employer sanctions law will have a devastating effect on the Mexican state.

At a news conference, the legislators said Sonora - Arizona’s southern neighbor, made up of mostly small towns - cannot handle the demand for housing, jobs and schools it will face as illegal Mexican workers here return to their hometowns without jobs or money.

Now they know what it’s been like north of the border.

“How can they pass a law like this?” asked Mexican Rep. Leticia Amparano Gamez, who represents Nogales.

“There is not one person living in Sonora who does not have a friend or relative working in Arizona,” she said in Spanish.

HA - HA -- NO SHIT, LADY -- that's what we've been trying to tell you -- every Mexican with a bandanna is working illegally in the United States. The Klown suggests you get rid of the corruption in your government and go with a more capitalist system of economics if you want to haul your country's bean-eating ass out of third-world status - CAPISCE? (Italian word)

Citizen TRYS to kill jackass

From Newsbusters:
Guns Used in Self-Defense?

Apparently, Not News
By Tim Graham January 19, 2008 - 17:42 ET

An armed citizen surprised four men who robbed him at gunpoint last week.

After being ordered to his knees, Russel Olofson warned the men that "they should think about it," according to an Orlando police report released this week.

A private investigator with military training, Olofson, 24, told police the robbers snatched his cell phone and a wallet containing his concealed-weapon permit shortly before 10 p.m. Friday outside Ridge Club Apartments.

After the robbers took his items, Olofson stood up, drew his Springfield XD sub-compact 9 mm handgun "and fired two rounds toward male #1 with the silver handgun, possibly striking him," the report states. "Males #2, #3, and #4 then ran southeast . . . and male #1 ran northeast . . ."

A search by police quickly turned up a pistol likely used in the holdup, the report said.

The .45-caliber Ruger pistol and clothing believed to have been worn by male 1 were found in the backyard of a home on Alrix Drive, reports state. The serial numbers on the pistol had been scratched off, a common sign the weapon may have been stolen.

Cam felt a story like this had all of the inherent drama and suspense that the networks can find in a human-interest story. But we suspected that TV assignment editors like "kids with a bat" stories better than a trained man with a gun.

The Klown bows his head and prays:

Heavenly father ... please watch over this disgusting criminal and make sure he gets what he so richly deserves ... you know .. with the gurgling his own blood and so forth ... and please make sure the media get what they deserve also ... for hurting America by deliberately being biased, misleading ,and manipulative ... Amen.