Matt Damon. Lib.

For the record, I'm a fan of Matt Damon's work. I'm not, however, a fan of this message. Clearly, he's been spending too much time with Hollywood-types who have convinced him that he has a greater calling than merely filling movie theaters and selling DVD's. I'm not sure what it is about actors that they're so easily convinced that the gap between emoting and being a statesman is minor enough that any among them can make the leap. Considering that Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins were widely considered to be "the smart ones", we really shouldn't expect too much from the group as a whole, right?

I mean, for the most part, it's true- nobody wants gifts they don't want. I frankly believe there's too much gift giving to adults who neither want, nor need most of the junk they get at holiday time. Furthermore, "gag gifts" are only funny to the giftor. I personally treat gag gifts the same way I do junk mail- I drop it in the garbage pail without it ever making its way into the house. I'm 40 something and at this point, I figure people should know better than to give me anything that gave them a chuckle and if they don't, I'm not going to waste precious storage space to hold their junk. "Sorry".

Anyway, awful gifts aside, they're merely a front for his "message" about water.org.



"We at water.org came up with what we think is a great idea... my brother and his artist colleagues designed this water bottle... 100% of the profits from this water bottle will go to water.org to help bring clean water to people all over planet earth"

Let's take a closer look at his statements.

1. "We at water.org"- We're a group, a team, something to which to belong... a herd. This is incredibly attractive to Libs who really just want to belong... to something... anything.

2. We came up with a great idea- Okay... a metal water bottle... great idea but really? YOU came up with this? No. It's an old idea. Granted there are way too many plastic bottles filling land fills and reusable water bottles are a great way to mitigate that problem but don't go taking credit where it isn't due. I mean, Libs will buy it hook line and sinker but to the rest of us- the thinkers- it looks ridiculous to take credit for old technology. What's next? Telling everyone at your high school reunion that you invented Post-it Notes?

3. "My brother and his artist colleagues"- No doubt- Libs love nepotism- that fact is well established but "artist colleagues"? Libs would paint a picture of artists as people lounging in the parlor of a relative's mansion wearing artist smocks and berets while smoking dubious cigarettes held in any fashion which excludes the index finger but that's not how real artists are... that's how poseurs are. Real artists don't design water bottles and they don't consider themselves colleagues. Professors, PhD's, dilettantes and drama queens consider themselves colleagues. Artists are too busy fighting their own demons to waste their time with that kind of crap.

4. "100% of the profits from this water bottle will go to water.org"- In other words, 100% of the profits from this product we've created and are selling will go to- wait for it- ... US! I mean, that's so super-clever. They're telling you what every capitalist already knows- the profits go to the profit-maker. But they figure that since they're saying it explicitly, you'll think "there must be something more to it". They're right- if you're a Lib. The rest of us just hear what they say and realize that they're making profits and keep them and you're left thinking they're doing something righteous. They're not. They're making money and smiling. It's capitalism under an overwrought veil of humanitarianism.

5. "to help bring clean water to people all over planet earth"- Aw- that's so sweet. They're not selling clean water- they're bringing it. Of course, someone is going to pay for it and somehow, I doubt it's going to be water.org footing the bill. "Planet earth"- that is so sweet... it's so much more humany than saying "the world". They never miss an opportunity to remind you that it's our planet and it's our responsibility to protect her.

Yeesh.