Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Canada's growing problem

(from a friends e-mail alert

Fearing the Tea Party's movement to restore the Constitution and return to the Founding Fathers' principles, along with a conservative election victory this November in the US, Canada now faces an unusual illegal immigration problem....
From: The Manitoba Herald

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning US citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt and pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "The liberal weenie was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he stormed out before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, the Canadians erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. They then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Slowed them down a bit, but not real effective" was the response of locals.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions; here you have to work and actually produce something of value." An Ontario border patrolman was quoted, "I found one full car-load of 'em without a single bottle of imported bottled water."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly as they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to work, drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, a few of the smarter liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young "vegans" in grey wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have also complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage and are renting out all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy doesn't run-up huge debts and we just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art history and political science majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would spend and tax even more to re-assure liberals.

A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have even more Paul McCartney concerts at the White House. And we might even put a picture of Obama bowing down to some Muslims on a Canadian postage stamp?"

The President is determined to reach out," he said.

2 comments:

WOMBAT said...

This would be a lot funnier and ring at all true if it weren't for the fact that Canada is Lib central. They never met an unproductive, useless leech of a person they didn't like.

Evil_Klown said...

Crap, Wombat beat me to it. Libs wouldn't need reeducation camps if they had to suffer the consequences of their behavior alone ... as it is, they drag us into it and that makes it easier on them.

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