Jokes

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.

He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,

"Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied,

"I'll know we're lost before you will."

--------------

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, was shocked when the woman's doctor said she had a heart condition that could kill her at any time.

She had to avoid stress, eat right, and never have sex again, or the strain might kill her.

They reluctantly tried to live by those rules but, over time, both got really horny, so the husband decided to sleep on the downstairs couch to prevent temptation.

For a few weeks, this arrangement worked; until one night, about 1 a.m., when they met each other on the stairs -- she coming down, he heading up.

"Honey, I have to confess," she said, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."

"Glad to hear that, sweetie," he answered, "because I was just coming up to kill you!"

From Miss Celania: