Men's magazine loses 130,000 inflatable breasts

A men's magazine has lost a shipment of 130,000 inflatable breasts en route to Australia.
The breasts, worth £100,000, were planned to be a free gift in Ralph magazine - but vanished before arriving at their destination.
A spokeswoman said the container left docks in Beijing two weeks ago but turned up empty in Sydney this week.
The magazine has put out an alert to shipping authorities but the breasts need to turn up in the next 48 hours to make the January issue.
"If anyone finds any washed up on a beach, please let us know. We want our boobs back."

Sounds like Ragweed has a hand in this, give them back Buddy!

THAT'S IT - gimmee that chainsaw

A MAN lobbed off his own head with a chainsaw because he did not want to leave his repossessed home, an inquest heard today.

David Phyall, 50, carefully thought out his suicide because he was “irrationally opposed” to being moved out.

He tied the Black & Decker tool to a leg of a snooker table in his lounge with string, taped up the on button and plugged it into a timer.

Mr Phyal then lay down under the snooker table face up and placed the chainsaw against his neck, Winchester Coroner’s Court heard. More here:

Mathemagic

How to get along with the cops

It says "Fuck LAPD"

(Los Angeles Police Department)

The part I really love though, is he's sitting somewhere in a jail cell saying "I don't let those peeps hand ME any shit."

Way to go, rocket surgeon.

More idiot mugshots at The Smoking Gun.

I wondered so I Googled 'er

Why are bank clerks called tellers?

It's in the meaning of the word "tell." Originally it had to do with counting: to reckon, count, or calculate.

We still see this meaning in a few current expressions. "Bank teller" is one--meaning a money counter. Another is "all told," meaning all counted--counting all of them: "All told, he scored 8 home runs over the season." Another pertains to the rosary: to tell the beads is to count them off, as when praying.

Ace's blog is extra good

Heroic Climate Scientist Saves Ice-Trapped Whales With Statistics - [Cuffy Meigs]

The sea was angry that day.

Lulled into a false sense of safety by global warming alarmists, over 200 narwhal whales were smugly lounging in the Jacuzzi-like waters of the remote Canadian Arctic. Vanquished by the carbon habits of man, the Arctic ice made an unfortunately ill-timed return:

"A couple of weeks ago, when the ice was still moving, there were quite a few narwhal seen out there in the open water," Jayko Allooloo, chairman of the Pond Inlet hunters and trappers organisation, told public broadcaster CBC.

"About a week later, they're stuck."

Community elders and officials feared the whales would die from a lack of oxygen as the ice grew thicker around them, Pelley explained.

As the narwhals gasped for oxygen like Vilos Cohaagen's goldfish, NASA's Dr. James E. Hansen swooped in with a new spreadsheet on Arctic ice thickness. Copy-pasting cell E13 to E12, Hansen replaced the current month's ice thickness with last month's --- and the narwhals swam to safety!

Or not:

But department spokesman Keith Pelley said: "It's unlikely the animals are going to survive the winter, so the hunters have been given authorisation to cull them."

The hunters have been on the ice slaughtering the whales since Thursday and are likely to accomplish their task over the coming days, he said.

Hansen was last seen frantically editing a zooligical classification spreadsheet, changing the narwhals' genus and species from"Monodon monoceros" to "Yersinia pestis infected Rattus norvegicus"...

Ha - I love it - but I don't get the reference in the final paragraph and I'm too lazy to look it up. Does anyone else capsiky? Please explain it to us non-cogs in the comments -- ty.

I didn't get the reference to Vilo Cohaagen either but I looked it up. It's a movie reference and I never watch movies so that's easily explainable. The problem with the latin reference is probably my ignorance.

From Ace's blog:

He watched too much American TV

BEIJING – A college student in southern China was bitten by a panda after he broke into the bear's enclosure hoping to get a hug, state media and a park employee said Saturday.

The student was visiting Qixing Park with classmates on Friday when he jumped the 6.5-foot (2-meter) -high fence around the panda's habitat, said the park employee, who refused to give his name.

The park in Guilin, a popular tourist town in the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region, houses a small zoo and a panda exhibit. It was virtually deserted when the student scaled the fence surrounding the panda, named Yang Yang, the employee said.

He said the student was bitten in the arms and legs. Two foreign visitors who saw the attack ran to get help from workers at a nearby refreshment stand, who notified park officials, the employee said.

The student was pale as he was taken away by medics but appeared clear-headed, he said.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack," the 20-year-old student, surnamed Liu, said in a local hospital, according to the official Xinhua News Agency.

Liu underwent surgery Friday evening and was out of danger, but will remain in the hospital for several days, Xinhua said. More here:

Needed a hug? What a prancing doofus.

Compliments of my friend, Kevin.

Mark Levin - Fairness Doctrine

Mark Levin played a string of audio clips starring:

John Kerry - Democrat - Massachusetts

Jeff Bingaman - Democrat - New Mexico

Diane Feinstein - Democrat - California

Dick Durbin - Democrat - Illinois

Chuck Schumer - Democrat - New York

Tom Brokaw - Democrat (oops, I mean "objective jourrrnalist")

All of them advocate the "Fairness Doctrine." I spared you most of them and just included a couple on this audio.

The reasoning they use for imposing the Fairness Doctrine is these radio stations "use the public airwaves" to broadcast, therefore, there should be an opportunity for opponents to present their views on an equal-time basis.

Never mind that the newspapers use public roads to transport their leftist garbage to the public. Never mind that CBS, ABC, & NBC also use "airwaves." Stop trying to use logic to combat the communists -- lest ye find yourself in a "re-education through labor" camp.

Oh yes, one particularly bright bulb, Chucky-Schmucky Schumer thinks that pornography and political speech are the same thing.

It is just me, or can these "Senators" not reason their way out of a grade-school riddle?

Sharon's Song

Some IM Chat

So Wombat and I were discussing using the word "the" when ordering in restaurants (as in "I'll have THE steak, etc) and I got him started.

wombat247: but it DOES come from tv
wombat247: and trying to be fancy
Evil Klown: aye
wombat247: like fuckwads talking about plywood furniture and calling it a "piece"
wombat247: i will never forget that
wombat247: we were visiting friends
wombat247: and one of their friends was there
wombat247: talking about "this is such a nice piece"
wombat247: and it was a piece alright
wombat247: a piece of shit
Evil Klown: lol
wombat247: i mean it was LITERALLY made out of plywood
wombat247: or plywood backing or something
wombat247: and my wife and i just looked at each other
wombat247: because negro, PLEASE
wombat247: it's so stupid
wombat247: "i'll have a bottle of your finest wine"
wombat247: yeah... red or white, dipshit
Evil Klown: lol @ getting you started
wombat247: "i like what you've done here"
Evil Klown: what an oenophile
wombat247: lol
wombat247: as if
wombat247: oh the other one that REALLY sets me off
wombat247: is the queen of the chicken coop talking about how she likes "my quiche"
wombat247: "oh i need to have my quiche twice a week"
Evil Klown: lol
wombat247: you fat little porker
wombat247: it's not yours
wombat247: LOTS of people eat quiche
wombat247: but that's what i say whenever someone uses that expression
wombat247: "you fat little porker"
wombat247: and sometimes, it comes out aloud
Evil Klown: but you're fat
wombat247: hypocrtical, isn't it
wombat247: they sit there with their tiny little eyes and tiny little mouths and tiny little fingers on fat little hands and tiny little feet in tiny little shoes on fat as hell cankles and fat as hell girths
wombat247: nibbling on a piece of cake the size of sardinia
wombat247: acting as if they're fooling anyone
Evil Klown: but you're fat
wombat247: "oh i know i'm on a diet but i have to have my desert"
wombat247: i know i'm fat
wombat247: that's the connundrum
wombat247: it would be as if i were black and a racist
wombat247: I CANNOT HELP IT
Evil Klown: how about "i'm going to get my masters"
wombat247: that one doesn't bother me
Evil Klown: my quiche, my dessert, my masters
wombat247: since it usually takes them 9 years to get a 2 year degree
wombat247: and i figure i won't know them by the time they start insisting you call them "doctor"

Huge Stash of Marijuana Found in Ancient Tomb

Duuuuuude! The world's oldest stash of marijuana has been found in far western China, according to an article in the Journal of Experimental Botany.
An ancient Caucasian people, probably the Indo-European-speaking Yuezhi whose fair-haired mummies keep turning up in Xinjiang province, seem to have buried one of their shamans with a whopping 789 grams of high-potency pot 2,700 years ago.
That's about 28 ounces of killer green bud, worth perhaps $8,000 at today's street prices, and enough to keep Harold and Kumar happy for a couple of days.
"It was common practice in burials to provide materials needed for the afterlife," lead author Ethan B. Russo, a practicing neurologist and prominent medicinal-marijuana advocate based in Missoula, Mont., tells the Canadian Press. "No hemp or seeds were provided for fabric or food. Rather, cannabis as medicine or for visionary purposes was supplied."
But the researchers couldn't tell if the weed was meant to be smoked or eaten. No pipes, bongs or rolling papers were found in the tomb.
The ancient Greek historian Herodotus relates how the Scythians, Iranian-speaking nomads who roamed the steppes to the west of the Yuezhi in the first millennium B.C., liked to throw marijuana onto bonfires to induce trancelike states. It's possible the buried shaman followed similar practices.

Now I have to wonder if this is Weezers secret to his bonefires!!

Nope, I'm not tired of this yet

True commies always jail their opponents

LMAO @ "End the mindless partisanship ... the divisiveness ... " Sure you will, Stalin boy. And I Love how the objective "radio host" says "Riiight" after he mentions his days teaching constitutional law ... as if he were the constitutional God of America.

Just like Stalin, Mao, and every other communist jackass that ever lived, this guy is going to "investigate" for as long as he's in office. And he's going go jail as many of his political opponents as he can. If he can't jail them, he'll still conduct the Stalinist show-trials and ruin them. Sickening.

Hey, I love it when my elected officials spend millions and millions of tax dollars, and spend every single day investigating their opponents instead of addressing the problems of America. Never mind the borders, the criminal justice system, the schools, generational welfare, guys with $90,000 in their freezer, etc etc -- JUST GET THOSE CAPITALISTS!!!

Knock it off, cheeseburgers

AP – President-elect Barack Obama orders a slice of pie during a visit to Manny's Deli in Chicago, Friday ...

CHICAGO – President-elect Barack Obama grabbed his lunch to go Friday and artfully dodged a question about the auto industry woes he'll inherit.

"We got the corned beef," Obama said as he made his way around the counter at Manny's deli. Asked by a reporter what he thought about the auto industry, he responded with a smile: "I got the corned beef." More here:

Ok, let's address this crap right now. If someone calls you at home, after dinner, and asks you what you had for dinner, do you say "I had THE steak?" Why not? Is it because you'd sound like a fucking idiot?

When I'm at a restaurant and I hear someone say "I'll have THE steak (or whatever,) I'm thinking, RETARD. I mean, where did peeps learn to say this? Probably just copying some highfalutin, self-important, hoity-toity knucklehead on TV. Just say, "I'd like steak, please." Yes, you may have to be specific and identify the type (ribeye, strip, whatever.) but enough with "THE." K? Now go, and sin no more.

I am willing to grant one exception to this rule. If the restaurant has only ONE steak (or whatever,) and if you eat it they'll have no more, then you may say "THE Steak" -- otherwise, just order a steak.

Another Obama voter

Challenged ballots in Minnesota

Representatives from the campaigns of Sen. Norm Coleman and Al Franken have been challenging ballots across the state.

It's your turn to play election judge. Tell us how you would rule in the case of these challenged ballots.

You look at a ballot and then answer who you think the vote was for. When it's over, you compare your answers to a lawyer's.

Translations - Liberal to Conservative

The last one is my favorite.

activists - rabble
advocate - rabble-rouser
affirmative action - exclusion of straight white males
assault weapon - privately-owned weapon

balance
1. Two liberals arguing over the rate at which government should be expanded
2. Three or more liberals who are allowed to speak freely vs. one conservative who is never allowed to utter a complete sentence
3. Two or more liberals vs. congenitally insane person passed off as a conservative

bible thumper - non-liberal Christian
big business - an operation that makes money but doesn't donate to liberals

draconian cut - 1% reduction in spending
eco-friendly
1. expensive
2. shoddy
3. dangerous
4. made by brother-in-law of EPA administrator
5. any combination of the above

endangered species - evolutionary dead end
giving to - taking less from
Nazi - conservative
right wing - to the right of Karl Marx
slashed spending - spending neither increased nor decreased
social justice - socialism
taking from - giving less to
unfair towards - not rigged in favor of
war on the poor - tax cuts
warmonger - patriot
windfall profits - earnings

This was about half of them. More here with illustrative examples.

Compliments of the striking Wombat.

David Gregory - New host - Meet The Press

Ok, so I was reading this story about David Gregory and the reporter called him an avid oenophile. Since I never heard of that word, I decided to look it up and see what the call was.

After finding it in the dictionary (which has a pronouncer) I read some of the following story. The only reason I read it was because of the Google results paragraph which contained "Don't say oenophile ... "

On a related note, don’t say “oenophile.” Do you even know how to pronounce it? “Wine lover” will do. “Wine geek” is better, actually; it’s self-effacing and probably more accurate. You say oenophile, and you’re a jackass.

Here is perhaps the most significant of pleasant surprises: Screw caps are here to stay, and that’s OK. In fact, no longer is it quite right to cling to the ceremony of the cork, rustically dignified though it is. Screw caps, once consigned to wines not exactly intended for ruminating delectation, have been widely embraced by people who understand that the humbling whiff of trashiness is just what wine culture’s archer elements needed and that the rest of us deserve freedom from the twin tyrannies of hoity-toityism and occasional bad corks.

Cork taint, a bacterial infection, isn’t harmful to the drinker but is terminally numbing to wine, and so far the only way to prevent it is to not use cork. Historically, that has been a bummer. This is a world where certain wines are actually supposed to taste like socks stuffed inside a dead log (the aristocratically priced pinot noirs of Burgundy) or the worn-out pavement in a gas-station parking lot during a rainstorm (the sauvignon blancs of the Loire Valley). This is a world whose most exquisite and expensive dessert wine, Bordeaux’s Château d’Yquem, is derived from deliberately molded grapes.

In this world, it’s only fair to wonder what the hell is actually good, and what’s weird. It’s perfectly reasonable, in other words, to second-guess your instinct that no wine should remind you of a sheepdog running through a sprinkler and then curling up for a few hours between cardboard boxes in an attic. Cork-tainted wine can have that flavor, with varying degrees of intensity, but its real problem is seeming dead. The taint imparts a grim inertness to a wine, making it hard to believe that fresh fruit was ever involved. Sometimes it’s subtle enough to confuse people who don’t recognize it into thinking that a wine simply sucks. That’s a first impression many producers would rather not risk, whereas the fading stigma of the screw cap doesn’t daunt them.

So, when it’s time for enjoying the everyday bottle, get used to the new ceremony, less dignified but still rustic in its way, of cracking one open. It makes picnics easier, and it all but guarantees that if the wine seems to suck, it actually does.

The rest of the story here -- if you're a wine geek.

Beeg trrrouble forrr Moose & Squirrel

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - A husband and wife have been charged with torture and other counts after a bruised, terrified 17-year-old showed up at a gym with a chain locked to his ankle, claiming he had just fled his captors, authorities said Tuesday.

Chuck Ellis, a manager of the In-Shape Sports Club, said the boy came into the fitness center Monday afternoon wearing only boxer briefs, covered with what appeared to be soot. Ellis says the teen was scared someone was going to come after him and asked to be hidden.

"He said `Don't let them get me, don't let them get me,'" Ellis said. "He was totally terrified." Excerpts - the rest here:

Dipshitocrat hates the smell of Americans

The Capitol Visitors Center, which opened this morning, may have tripled its original budget and fallen years behind schedule, but Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid found a silver lining for members of Congress: tourists won't offend them with their B.O. anymore.

"My staff tells me not to say this, but I'm going to say it anyway," said Reid in his remarks. "In the summer because of the heat and high humidity, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol. It may be descriptive but it's true."

But it's no longer going to be true, noted Reid, thanks to the air conditioned, indoor space.

And that's not all. "We have many bathrooms here, as you can see," Reid continued. "Souvenirs are available."

$621 million well spent. All, except the pic, from here: