Organs conspire agin' me

Alcohol and weight loss are enemies, but an occasional drink can have a place in a healthy lifestyle. (Yes ... the occasional drink .. sweet, shall it be.) In fact, many experts note the health benefits of consuming a single drink per day, (What? One per day? I was thinking "occasional drink" meant like five drinks but only occasionally during one part of the day.) including a reduced risk for hypertension and high blood pressure. If, however, you are exceeding one drink daily, you might be sabotaging your weight loss plans. Gaaaaa - sabotage!

Alcohol is metabolized differently than other foods and beverages. Ohhh crap ... of COURSE it is. Under normal conditions, your body gets its energy from the calories in carbohydrates, fats and proteins that need to be slowly digested in the stomach—but not when alcohol is present. When alcohol is consumed, it gets special privileges and needs no digestion. GD IT! Stupid digestive process!

The alcohol molecules diffuse through the stomach wall as soon as they arrive and can reach the brain and liver in minutes. Stupid stomach. This reaction is slightly slowed when there is also food in your system, but as soon as the mixed contents enter the small intestine, the alcohol grabs first place and is absorbed quickly. Stupid small intestine. The alcohol then arrives at the liver for processing. The liver places all of its attention on the alcohol. Stupid liver! Therefore, the carbohydrates (glucose) and dietary fats are just changed into body fat, waiting to be carried away for permanent fat storage in the body. Gaaaaa - FUCK!

I mean, it's as if my organs don't appreciate the hard work I do just to get them some alcohol. I wonder if the libs know about all this discrimination going on by body organs against poor old alcohol. It's bullshit. This has gone on far too long. My organs, the cops, those blood-drinking Jews - Gaaaaaa.

More on diet and alcohol here: