Tuesday, December 4, 2012

If only the Obama administration were so transparent

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) — Prison officials in North Carolina are calling for a criminal investigation after inmates alleged correctional officers forced them to rub habanero hot sauce on their genitals, resulting in painful blisters.

Oh, really?  Painful blisters you say?  That just sounds TERRIBLE.

In July, six inmates from Sampson sent a hand-written letter to the U.S. District Court in Greensboro complaining that staff had forced them to perform numerous humiliating acts for the entertainment of guards, including stripping nude and pretending to have sex.

Right, because nothing is more entertaining than watching dumbass naked prisoners pretend to have sex ... hooo, boy ... I mean, who could get enough of that?

 The inmates also reported being forced to gulp a super-hot “Exotic Hot Sauce” purchased off the Internet and slather it on their testicles, as well as being forced to grab and kiss wild snakes while working on a road crew and throwing captured bunnies in to oncoming traffic.

LOL @ grab that snake. 

"Sure, boss, right away boss. Capture a bunny? Sure, no problem.  Throw it into oncoming traffic?  Right away, boss ... we don't have to worry about someone calling the sheriff to complain about that ... that would never happen in a million years ... road crews do that all the time."

Aaaand, the Klown's sensitive olfactory starts detecting a huge pile in the vicinity.

 Those who performed for the guards were rewarded with preferential work assignments, food, cigarettes and beer, the inmates alleged. Both tobacco and alcohol are banned in North Carolina’s prisons.

Oh, I see.  So if the inmates "performed" then the guards would reward them ... out of the blue, no doubt.  That's right, they'd just come along and say "here, you can have some smokes" and the prisoner never expected that.  Isn't that SOMETHING?

I mean, it's not like they had a deal or anything, no.  It was all those mean guards ... FORCING them.  After all, the inmates didn't expect any special treatment ... that special treatment was all a surprise ... a real shocker.

In their letter, the inmates ask for the court’s assistance in finding lawyers to help them file a lawsuit against the state...

I see, a lawsuit.  Will this "lawsuit" mean monetary awards for these poor, mistreated souls?  Or are they just interested in getting "justice" by proving their case and getting punishment for the guards?

By the way, I don't think rubbing hot sauce on your balls is that damaging.  It might be, I just hadn't ever given it much thought.  Off the top of my head, if you're going to rub a bad substance on balls, try Ben-Gay. More here:

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