Monday, June 30, 2008

Dangerous ninja

BARNEGAT, N.J.—It's the case of the nonexistent ninja. Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.
Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword. Police tell the Asbury Park Press the man was late to a costume-themed day at a nearby middle school. The lockdown began shortly after 9 a.m. Wednesday and lasted until 9:30.

Monday Morning Happiness for the Cowboys



"Never Squat while wearing Spurs"

Most Sundays a few friends gather at our favorite place to enjoy a cold beer, this Sunday our conversation was whether or not there were any "Gay" cowboys. One of our dear friends insisted that no cowboy could be gay. I got curious and had to check it out. I found this picture and that is all I am going to say.

Its not funny anymore?



Well when I first saw this picture I laughed for a while. I thought it was funny and cute being a dog lover. You think, how hard can it be protecting the border from a bunch of little Chihuahuas. I mean the beagles may not been able to spot them, but you will always here the little shits yapping.


I am all for Law enforcement but I thought these Beagles got a pretty easy job, and then I checked further and found out just how hard it can be. Picture below shows how tough this job can be.













Dumb people doubt global warming

Excerpts - the rest at guardian.co.uk

The majority of the British public is still not convinced that climate change is caused by humans - and many others believe scientists are exaggerating the problem, according to an exclusive poll for The Observer.

Ipsos MORI polled 1,039 adults and found that six out of 10 agreed that 'many scientific experts still question if humans are contributing to climate change', and that four out of 10 'sometimes think climate change might not be as bad as people say'. In both cases, another 20 per cent were not convinced either way. Despite this, three quarters still professed to be concerned about climate change.

Those most worried were more likely to have a degree, be in social classes A or B, have a higher income, said Phil Downing, Ipsos MORI's head of environmental research.

Ha ha -- the smart, rich, people know best -- the only doubters are the idiots of society. Get it? Asshats? Good lord these peeps are pompous, pretentious, peckerwoods.

Interrogating a 9/11 mastermind

This article from the International Herald Tribune
(The global edition of the New York Times.)
A courtroom artist's sketch of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the primary suspect in the 9/11 attacks. (Janet Hamlin)

WASHINGTON: In a makeshift prison in the north of Poland, Al Qaeda's engineer of mass murder faced off against his Central Intelligence Agency interrogator. It was 18 months after the 9/11 attacks, and the invasion of Iraq was giving Muslim extremists new motives for havoc. If anyone knew about the next plot, it was Khalid Shaikh Mohammed.

The interrogator, Deuce Martinez, a soft-spoken analyst who spoke no Arabic, had turned down a CIA offer to be trained in waterboarding. He chose to leave the infliction of pain and panic to others, the gung-ho paramilitary types whom the more cerebral interrogators called "knuckledraggers."

In the rest of the article, he tells how we caught a couple of the terrorists as well as some details of their interrogation. At least we know where the unbiased "jourrrrrnalist" stands on waterboarding.

By the way, the jackass depicted above was also the guy who beheaded Dan Perl on video. I wonder how the jourrrrrnalist stands on beheading.

JAIL THE NON BELIEVERS !!

Versatile climate change hoaxer James Hansen

James Hansen, one of the world's leading climate scientists, will today call for the chief executives of large fossil fuel companies to be put on trial for high crimes against humanity and nature, accusing them of actively spreading doubt about global warming in the same way that tobacco companies blurred the links between smoking and cancer. The rest here.

Oh, pipe down, braying jackass. And why shouldn't we put you in a mental institution? Global cooling -- Global warming -- Climate change -- sky is falling. What an idiot.

From

Moonbattery:
Global Warmer Hoaxer James Hansen Once Pushed Global Cooling


NASA bureaucrat James Hansen, who has been making a pretty penny by helping Al Gore prop up the global warming hoax, is a veteran of the global cooling hoax popular in the 1970s.

Investor's Business Daily reports that a 1971 Washington Post scare piece entitled "U.S. Scientist Sees New Ice Age Coming" fretted that burning fossil fuels discharges particles into the atmosphere that reflect the sun's rays back into space. Emissions over 5–10 years supposedly "could be sufficient to trigger an ice age."

The NASA research behind that hysteria was supported by a "computer program developed by Dr. James Hansen," the same guy who now refers to those who won't drink the global warming Kool-Aid as "court jesters."

Again I ask -- why do jackasses usually LOOK like jackasses?
Liberals cannot be embarrassed.

Die, you stupid hippies, die !!

Dumpster Muffin Fends Off Civilization

The other day it looked like authorities had finally gotten tired of fooling around with the moonbats who have been infesting the trees near Memorial Stadium in Berkeley for the last year and a half, ostensibly to protest the building of a new sports facility. However, the saga continues.

UC Berkeley's tough new policy is to cut supply lines and to remove those treetards who don't put up a fight. Congenitally cowardly, university officials snivel that they will not put anyone at risk by forcing them to come down, despite the danger that hippies will continue to fall out on their own.

This leaves the moonbats free to carry on with their spectacle.

From Zombie's report:
The sitters had constructed an insanely perilous aerie towering far above the highest branches. It was occupied by a protester with the too-perfect name Dumpster Muffin (yes, her name really is Dumpster Muffin), who would go into convulsions whenever one of the dismantlement-minded arborists neared her outpost. She’d screech and scream and shake the platform violently, forcing her opponents (who were dangling from a cable attached to a crane) to back off, fearing she’d martyr herself by plummeting to the ground rather than be captured. Using this technique repeatedly, Dumpster Muffin (seen here warily eyeing the crane in the distance) successfully defended her perch, to cheers from supporters down below.

A local news station has surreal video.
From Moonbattery:

I watched the video -- it does show the stupid hippy shaking the shit out of her little perch - hysterical. Zombie's full report with pics here.

Oh, and here's a video interview with Dumpster Muffin - after the incidink.

More cool pics, reports, and a video from The Protest Shooter.

Zombie does it again

Yes, they're at it again. Supporters and detractors of the United States military battled it out in Berkeley for at least the sixth time this year: the latest in a relentless series of protests and counter-protests trying to seize the upper hand in the controversy over the "Marine Corps Officer Selection Office" on Shattuck Square.

Today's Summer Solstice showdown featured Move America Forward, the Marines Motorcycle Club, the Patriot Guard Riders and other veterans' and pro-America groups facing off against their traditional adversaries: World Can't Wait, Code Pink, the Revolutionary Communist Party, assorted 9/11 Truthers, far-left activists and their fellow travelers. (I guess he forgot to mention assorted other Democrat activists.)

Let the battle commence!

Do you recognize that guy -- erm, I mean "female" with the weird hair, manly tattoos, and the blue shirt? I guess he/she goes to all the happenin' protests.

Go here for Zombie's full report and all the pics.

How to speak Democrat

Ha Ha - RUN !! - 30 second video


From The Fail Blog

Milf Realtors - Click to enlarge

From Eat Liver:

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Funniest thing I've seen in a while

All Star Game Cancelled

The recreation department of the city of Beachwood, Ohio, canceled an annual all-star youth baseball game because it didn't want any competitors to be excluded.

Not only are parents and children upset over the cancellation, but many other residents of Beachwood are as well. The cancellation followed a decision by the city's recreation department that determined children should not play competitive sports until the age of 12.

Local radio station WTAM received angry feedback from residents who opposed the cancellation of the game that has taken place every July 4 for decades. The competitors would be 9-12 year-olds. The parks and recreation department sent a letter to parents and coaches explaining that it did not wish to see any children excluded from the event and was therefore canceling it.

In the letter, city officials cited an article written by the chief executive officer of the National Alliance for Youth Sports that says all-star games can be damaging to children's egos.

One father phoned in to the radio and told WTAM host Bob Franz that his son, who was selected to compete in the canceled game, was very disappointed and noted that he had worked exceptionally hard to make the cut for the game.

Was it George Carlin who said "parents have taken all the fun out of being a kid" ( ? I think he was the one)
--------------

Nice post, Ragweed -- Klown edit:

Here's the email for these jackasses
City@BeachwoodOhio.com


I sent them a little note about my feelings on this issue. It consisted of my comment on this post ... except I added the word "braying" -- you know where.


And
here's their homepage.


Feel free to post any email response you send them in the comments. And send this to your friends too -- just in case they want to sent them an email also.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Change You Want Change


Friday, June 27, 2008

"Can't Feed 'Em? Don't Breed 'Em."

CECIL COUNTY, Md. -- A Maryland housing official is coming under fire for a bumper sticker that takes a derogatory shot at poor families.
Dave Mahanney, who runs Cecil County's Housing Authority, has a bumper sticker on his car that reads "Can't Feed 'Em? Don't Breed 'Em."
"He's the director, driving around with this bumper sticker saying if you can't feed them, don't breed them?" said Niakkia Battle, a mother of five. "Am I supposed to be sorry that I had my children? I love my children."

Hey lady, I don't think that was what he was trying to get folks to understand. How about realizing you shouldn't be popping out kiddos if you can afford to feed them. In other words, KEEP THEM LEGS CLOSED.
Battle told 11 News she will be evicted from Housing and Urban Development's Section 8 program. She has a friend babysit her kids when she's in her nursing class.
"Because of an assumption that I had an unauthorized person living with me they, Section 8, terminated my assistance," she told 11 News reporter John Sherman.

One has to wonder if she is smart enough to get into nursing school then she would have been smart enough to inform the housing authorities of the babysitter. Hmmmmmmmmm, more to the story?
Confronted about the bumper sticker, Mahanney said he would not comment.
Sherman: "Your bumper sticker says, 'Can't feed 'em, Don't breed 'em. A lot of the people you deal with did just that. Naikkia Battle said she was offended by that. Could you understand why?"
Mahanney: "I don't do interviews."
Cecil County Delegate Michael Smiegel said he is outraged by what has happened.
"Here you have a mother of five, who's going to school to be a nurse, who's doing everything she can to improve her life, and you'd hope she'd be on the system a short time," he said. "And yet you're going to now complicate it by throwing her and her children out on the street. It makes no sense if you want to use government dollars wisely."
Michael Peters, a disabled man also set to be evicted, is getting help fighting back.
Trey Perkins and Luciene Parsley at the Disability Law Center have taken up his cause. Parsley said all Peters did was forget to fill out a form.
"We've had problems with the housing authority before," Parsley said. "And in my discussions with other housing advocates, it's clear this agency has been a problem in the past."
The Disability Law Center has asked in five different ways for an explanation of Mahanney's actions, Sherman reported, and hasn't had a call returned. When Sherman asked Mahanney about that, Mahanney again replied that he doesn't do interviews.

Brutus(the cat) and the Bird

Brutus the cat seems to have developed this strange relationship with this Mockingbird. This has been going on for weeks. Brutus is a part time house cat who was born in the wild under a neighbor's shed. He was captured by my wife and nuetered and loves living in the house most of the time. Recently this has turned into quite the hilarious show everyday. The Bird waits out in the back yard yelling untill Brutus is let out in the morning after eating his breakfast. The Bird sits on our fence or umbrella stand untill Brutus appears and then it starts. Brutus doesn't seem to mind as much as he used to, but he will chase the bird on occasion as it dives toward him. There are other cats in the neighborhood but this bird chases just Brutus. This morning I noticed another Mockingbird came and started to get involved when the original bird continually went after the newcomer and chased him away and then went back to swooping down on Brutus.

Just wondering ...

Where are all of the Hollywood celebrities holding telethons asking for help in restoring Iowa and helping the folks affected by the floods?

Where is all the media asking the tough questions about why the federal government hasn't solved the problem? Asking where the FEMA trucks and trailers are?

Why isn't the Federal Government relocating Iowa people to free hotels in Chicago?

When will Spike Lee say that the Federal Government blew up the levees that failed in Des Moines?

Where are Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks?

Where are all the looters?

Where is the hysterical 24/7 media coverage complete with reports of cannibalism and shooting at helicopters?

Where are the people declaring that George Bush hates rural people?

How come in 2 weeks, you will never hear about the Iowa flooding ever again?

I was just wondering . . .

The Klown's friend "The Beaner" forwarded this in an email.

Global warming increases earthquakes

Genius Tom Chalko

MT BEST, AUSTRALIA - New research compiled by Australian scientist Dr Tom Chalko shows that global seismic activity on Earth is now five times more energetic than it was just 20 years ago.

The research proves that destructive ability of earthquakes on Earth increases alarmingly fast and that this trend is set to continue, unless the problem of "global warming" is comprehensively and urgently addressed. More of this ridiculous story at the totally unbiased and objective (and PWNED) MSNBC.

Well, at this writing, lots of "news organizations" were still carrying the story -- but AP and CBS
pulled it.

If you want to see a relentless and thorough trashing of this idiot "Dr Chalko," click
here.

Oh -- here's part of his "Bio" which these guys found
here:

He plays classical guitar exceptionally well, enjoys windsurfing (he calls himself a speed addict here), takes time to practice meditation, telepathy and astral travel. His hobbies include challenging paradigms and paradoxes in geophysics, studying puzzling properties of electro-photonic glow (Auras) using Kirlian camera, learning to see human aura, discovering purpose of life, as well as organizing controversial seminars.

Hahahahaha. And yet these "news organizations" couldn't WAIT to publish this crap -- just like they jump to publish all the other "global warming" hysteria. I guess the concept of Google is too difficult for the average dipstick communist jourrrrrnalist. Pardon me while I add this to the list -- ok, back.

FYI, Kirlian cameras take pictures of "auras." I think they developed Kirlian photography at Sonoma State but I could be wrong ... I try to blot out the memories of that place since it dredges up scary thoughts of coeds in long skirts and bare feet in sandals.

You know, nothing is worse than waiting and waiting to get a glimpse of some pins only to see them covered with long hair once the skirt comes up. It's a nightmare. I think I could have gotten past the smell of those hippies -- but I draw the line at hairy legs -- if I'm sober.

Originally saw it at
Ace's blog:

Uh - I think this guy is a fag


Huh?

"Help me fight these feelings?"

"Fill me with your love?"

Oh - I went to his website - looks like he's a gay guy who thinks you can change from homo to hetero. Very sad -- very sad indeed.

Ace of Spades cracks me up

Brave Islamic Warriors Scraping Bottom of Barrel for Video of Brave Islamic Warrioring
—Ace

This latest video should be a dynamite recruitment tool, proudly featuring, as it does, heroic video of Islamist retards attempting to hit a Humvee with a grenade, missing, and then running away shouting Alluhu Akbar.

God may be great. You know what else is great? Not throwing like a girl.

The military convoy rolls on in the background, apparently not even having noticed they were actually attacked at all.

Maybe that should be their angle here: We're such Ninjas for Allah we attack without the enemy even realizing we've attacked!

Don't move mf'r - DONT ... BLAM !!


SUTHERLIN, Ore. (AP) - Douglas County authorities say a Sutherlin homeowner killed an intruder who had apparently passed out.

Sheriff's spokesman Dwes Hutson said a woman called 9-1-1 early Thursday to report that a stranger had entered her unlocked home and passed out on the couch.

As officers were responding to the trespassing complaint, dispatchers informed them that homeowner Keith Cramer called to say he had shot the man.

The officers found 35-year-old Michael Smith of Sutherlin dead on the couch. Hutson said it appears he had been shot one time with a high-powered hunting rifle.

No charges have been filed. The investigation is continuing.

Ha ha -- I'm still laughing. I love it when jackasses are EEEEJected from the planet.

Friday Pins

Cool guitar gadget

The D'Angle is a neat little guitar stand. It's very small and can be easily carried into a gig bag. You place it on a shelf, atop of a counter, or on any stable surface and hang your guitar from it.

If you look at the photo, it looks unconvincing. When you hold it in your hands, it looks even less convincing. Notice the small surface of the stand that actually touches the shelf on the photo. It's hard to imagine that that alone can hold your guitar. But it does. It's the weight of the guitar that holds it into place. Simple physics basically. Buy one here for $19.95

Found it at
J-Walk:

FYI, I think the back of the guitar has to be resting against something while it "hangs."

Thursday, June 26, 2008

First, rights for terrorists, now this

WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court declared Wednesday that executions are too severe a punishment for raping children, despite the "years of long anguish" for victims, in a ruling that restricts the death penalty to murder and crimes against the state.

The court's 5-4 decision struck down a Louisiana law that allows capital punishment for people convicted of raping children under 12. It spares the only people in the U.S. under sentence of death for that crime — two Louisiana men convicted of raping girls 5 and 8.

However devastating the crime to children, Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in his majority opinion, "the death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child." His four liberal colleagues joined him, while the four more conservative justices dissented. The rest here:

Hmmm another 5-4 Supreme Court decision -- what a shocker. With the 5 libs overruling the 4 conservatives -- another shocker.

What happened to the rights of states to determine their own laws and punishments? Yes, we should vote for a liberal Presidink who will just appoint more of these power grabbing, liberal asshats, to the highest court in the land -- FOR LIFE !

By the way -- these same 9 lawyers in black robes -- i.e. the "Supreme Court" are going to rule on your gun rights today. Never mind what the constitution says -- they're going to RULE!

Conventional wisdom says they're going to uphold gun rights -- for now -- but we shall see. The lower court has already ruled that the DC gun ban is unconstitutional so, why would the Supreme Court take the appeal if it didn't plan on overruling the lower court in some way?

UPDATE:

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Americans have a right to own guns for self-defense in their homes, the justices' first major pronouncement on gun rights in U.S. history.


The court's 5-4 ruling struck down the District of Columbia's 32-year-old ban on handguns as incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment. The decision went further than even the Bush administration wanted, but probably leaves most firearms restrictions intact.

The court had not conclusively interpreted the Second Amendment since its ratification in 1791. The amendment reads: "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

The basic issue for the justices was whether the amendment protects an individual's right to own guns no matter what, or whether that right is somehow tied to service in a state militia.

Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia said that an individual right to bear arms is supported by "the historical narrative" both before and after the Second Amendment was adopted.

The Constitution does not permit "the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home," Scalia said. The court also struck down Washington's requirement that firearms be equipped with trigger locks or kept disassembled, but left intact the licensing of guns.

Scalia noted that the handgun is Americans' preferred weapon of self-defense in part because "it can be pointed at a burglar with one hand while the other hand dials the police."

In a dissent he summarized from the bench, Justice John Paul Stevens wrote that the majority "would have us believe that over 200 years ago, the Framers made a choice to limit the tools available to elected officials wishing to regulate civilian uses of weapons."

He said such evidence "is nowhere to be found."

Justice Stephen Breyer wrote a separate dissent in which he said, "In my view, there simply is no untouchable constitutional right guaranteed by the Second Amendment to keep loaded handguns in the house in crime-ridden urban areas."

Joining Scalia were Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy and Clarence Thomas. The other dissenters were Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and David Souter.

Gun rights supporters hailed the decision. "I consider this the opening salvo in a step-by-step process of providing relief for law-abiding Americans everywhere that have been deprived of this freedom," said Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association.

The NRA will file lawsuits in San Francisco, Chicago and several of its suburbs challenging handgun restrictions there based on Thursday's outcome. More here:

Again, they barely -- and I MEAN BARELY, upheld your right to bear arms. They upheld it by ONE VOTE OF A LAWYER IN A BLACK ROBE -- CAPISCE?

One more lib on the court and they'll strip that right so fast your head will swim. You think I'm kidding. I'll bet I see it in my lifetime -- the cops at the door "give us your guns."

"THE FLAG" By Baxter Black

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the flag
That flew over Valley Forge
Was torn in two by the Grey and the Blue
And bled through two world wars.

I give you the Flag that burned in the street
In protest, in anger and shame
The very same flag that covered the men
Who died defending her name.

We now stand together, Americans all,
Either by choice or by birth
To honor the flag that's flown on the moon
And changed the face of the earth

History will show the flag stood a friend
To the hungry, the homeless and lost
That a mixture of men as common as clay
Valued one thing beyond cost.

And they've signed in blood from Bunker Hill
To Saigon, Kuwait, Bosnia
Kabul, Baghdad and Toko Ri.
I give you the Flag that says to the world
Each man has a right to be free

McCain the Doofus

CHICAGO (AP) - Republican presidential John McCain assured Hispanic leaders he would push through Congress legislation to overhaul federal immigration laws if elected, several people who attended a private meeting with the candidate said Thursday.

Democrats questioned why the Arizona senator held the meeting late Wednesday night in Chicago. But supporters who were in the room denied that McCain held the closed-door session out of fear of offending conservatives, many of whom want him to take a harder line on immigration.

Both McCain and Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama support giving legal status to millions of illegal immigrants, but neither has made the issue a centerpiece of the campaign. At one time, McCain's campaign suffered because of his stance on the issue. More at My Way News:

Ok - let's assume that "Hispanic leaders" have SOME different concerns than "other Americans." Why would "Hispanic leaders" have different views on "immigration" than "other Americans?" Why would McCain give a speech about immigration to Hispanic leaders? Why doesnt he give a speech about freedom, tax reform, smaller government, and securing the borders?

Are these "Hispanic leaders" nothing more than advocates for illegal immigration and amnesty?

Familiar face


It took me a minute to figure out who it was.

From Bits and Pieces:

Time Lapse Video - 1.75 mins


Ants eating a dead lizard. The time lapse is over a couple of days or so. What are they doing with the bones?

From Bits and Pieces:

Ahmy: "We win, asshats, we win"

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said on Thursday the West has failed to break Iran's will in the nuclear standoff, days after world powers presented Tehran with a new offer aimed at ending the crisis.

"In the nuclear issue, the bullying powers have used up all their capabilities but could not break the will of the Iranian nation," Ahmadinejad was quoted as saying by state television. The rest at breitbart.com.

Hey, Ahmy, if it's just "peaceful use," i.e., to run your reactors, why don't you just buy the fuel from Russia or one of the countries which sell it (and account for it) on the market? Why generate all this unecessary animosity? Huh? Ahmy?
-------------
Woops, and then there's this.

WASHINGTON: Israel carried out a major military exercise earlier this month that American officials say appeared to be a rehearsal for a potential bombing attack on Iran's nuclear facilities.

Several American officials said the Israeli exercise appeared to be an effort to develop the military's capacity to carry out long-range strikes and to demonstrate the seriousness with which Israel views Iran's nuclear program.

More than 100 Israeli F-16 and F-15 fighters participated in the maneuvers, which were carried out over the eastern Mediterranean and over Greece during the first week of June, American officials said.

"They wanted us to know, they wanted the Europeans to know, and they wanted the Iranians to know," the Pentagon official said. "There's a lot of signaling going on at different levels." The rest at iht.com:

LMAO -- "We're going to hurt you if you don't stop. NO REALLY -- see? We're practicing to hurt you. We don't want to, but we will. But only because you keep threatening to wipe us off the map.

Yes -- WE WIN, WE WIN, - KABOOM!!!!!

And who will be the most surprised when this happinks?

Whyte, who is black ...

Excerpts - the rest at wcbstv:

DENVER (CBS) ― An unruly JetBlue passenger from Queens who lit up a cigarette mid-flight Tuesday forced the 145-passenger flight to be diverted after she became violent and uncooperative when asked to stop smoking, CBS 2 HD has learned.

Sometime after the third drink, flight attendants told authorities that Szele began smoking in her seat. One of the attendants, identified as Paul Whyte, approached Szele and took the cigarette out of her mouth, telling her she was endangering the other passengers.

Whyte, who is black, claimed that Szele began kicking and screaming and when he tried to restrain her with flex cuffs after she'd already broken through one pair, she punched in him in the face with a closed fist and called him a "dumb m----- f-----" and racial epithets.

Whyte said that Szele also told him "I'm going to get you" and threatened to kill him.

"She told me she kicked the flight attendant in the shin when he tried to come into the bathroom," Ladi Szele said.

Eventually, the captain decided to divert the flight to Denver, where Szele was apprehended by federal agents.

Ok -- how stupid do you have to be before you think you can get away with this?

Oh Klown, she's upset about her relationship.

Yes -- the guy finally wised up and bounced her ass. By the way, shouldn't this reporter have said "Whyte, who is African American ... ?" I thought you weren't supposed to say "black" anymore. And, as we all know, all black peeps are African. Ignore your citizenship, cling to your perceived "African heritage" because, even if your heritage isn't African, you can pretend.

But Klown, we're all from Africa, originally.

Yes, and we're all from the womb, but you don't see me running around with a zygote hat and a pink shawl.

Al Gore, warming globe like crazy

Pic from The Onion

In February of 2007 a small group named the Tennessee Center for Policy Research published an interesting little story that made Al Gore, the king of global warming alarmism, look a tad foolish. The report that TCPR sent out showed that Al Gore's own home was an energy hog. The TCPR report revealed that Al Gore's Tennessee mansion used more energy each month than the average American household uses in an entire year.

In a response to this report, Gore claimed that he was diligently working to make his home more green, but now it looks like Gore is being gored again because a year down the line his energy use hasn't gone down. It hasn't even stayed level. It actually increased by 10%. How will the media handle this bloated increase despite Gore's claims of trying to improve?

In 2007, to a sensational reception the TCPR noted that the Gore family burned through energy at an amazing rate saying, "Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh -- guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359."

LMAO. Seriously, is there a bigger jackass alive? I mean, how does this guy show his face every day? Oh yeah -- I forgot, he's a liberal, and liberals are incapable of being humiliated.

Fawning, slobbering, asshats at c-BS


On Wednesday’s CBS "Early Show," co-host Julie Chen teased an upcoming segment on Barack Obama: "...during the long primary season, we all learned a lot about Barack Obama. He is a Senator. He's a Harvard grad. He's a husband. And he is a father. But this morning, you're going to learn five things you probably don't know about Barack Obama." Oh, he's sooooo great, isn't he? Later, in David Letterman style, correspondent Jeff Glor introduced the story: "...here are the top five things you likely don't know about Barack Obama."

Among those things, were important facts such as "Number four -- in addition to enjoying basketball and cycling during down time, Obama loves to play Scrabble." In addition to the top five, Glor later added: "Now one more thing we learned that didn't quite make our list, Julie. Obama's job as a teenager was at a Baskin Robbins and to this day he does not like ice cream." Hey, dipshits, I'll bet McCain hates being tortured in a 3*5 cage to this day too. Chen responded: "So rocky road is like his Kryptonite?" While Glor and Chen focused on Obama trivia, earlier in the show, co-host Russ Mitchell offered a mere one sentence news brief on the Illinois Senator’s opposition to a Republican plan to allow offshore oil drilling.

In his report, Glor also described how: "...many people know Obama made history at Harvard by becoming the first African-American president of the Law Review. But did you know it was the conservative students who gave him the victory?" Yes - the "CONSERVATIVES at Harvard" gave him the victory. That means all you idiot conservatives should vote for him too. Hey, did you know it was the liberals that gave McCain the victory in the gang-of-14 fiasco? Glor then played a clip of Obama’s communications director, Robert Gibbs, explaining that: "I think it would be a surprise for some people today that the conservative faction, along with another group, threw its support to Barack Obama because he believed they'd give him -- he'd give everyone a fair shake."

WOW, what serious hard-hitting coverage. Hey -- c-BS, what are the top five things we didn't know about McCain? Are we going to be treated to equally disgusting/fawning (totally objective and unbiased)coverage of John McCain? I can't WAIT to see what you slobbering idiot liberals have to say about him.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Words

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. duh
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it!

9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
10. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
12. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is just two-tired.
13. A will is a dead giveaway.
14. A backward poet writes inverse.
15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
16. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in linoleum blownapart.
18. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
19. A calendar's days are numbered.
20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
24. Acupuncture: a jab well done

Who could have foreseen this?


Icelandic police said Wednesday they had shot and killed a polar bear discovered earlier this week on the island, which is hundreds of kilometres (miles) from the threatened species' natural habitat.

"It was shot last night (Tuesday)," a police spokesman in the northern town of Saudarkrokkur told AFP.

Polar bears are rare sightings on Iceland, since they have to swim hundreds of kilometres through icy waters to reach the island from their natural Arctic habitats, but the bear discovered Monday was the second spotted and killed on the island in the past two weeks.
More here at Breitbart.com

Yes - it could be global warming -- orrrrr - it could be that there's a kazillion more polar bears competing for food and a couple of them end up in Iceland, jackasses. Yes -- but to liberals, most things are very mysterious.

By the way - the article blames this on global warming so I shall add it to the list.

Global warming - extra scary

The tomato scare that has sickened 170 people and is the worst food scare since the E. coli/spinach outbreak is being blamed by some environmental activists on climate change and the need for more food grown with the help of genetically modified organisms (GMOs).

I was interviewing a board member of Food and Water Watch for a feature I am writing, and he positioned the scare as an eco outbreak because with less space to farm, more droughts, and higher costs, GMOs are the logical choice for farmers who want quick crops from less land.

For the record the source of the tomato infection hasn’t been determined. The FDA hasn’t narrowed its search. But this time of year the most common varieties are red round, red Roma, and red plum tomatoes. They are most likely grown in Florida or Mexico. The agency admits U.S. consumer demand to eat fresh fruits and vegetables year-round has made its job a lot more difficult. And concedes it needs more inspectors overseas. See a good take on this from the San Jose Mercury News here.

Anyway, the source of the E. coli in spinach turned out to be feces on the hoofs of wild boars that traipsed through spinach plants. More here at blogs.discovermagazine.com

Yes -- I did add this to my "global warming caused ..." list. Idiot liberals cannot be embarrassed.

Here's what I've got so far:
GLOBAL WARMING IS CAUSING:
05/04/08 - Increase in shark attacks -- http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2008/may/04/wildlife.climatechange
05/04/08 - Beer shortage -- http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/editorial/story.html?id=ed71f20e-b8a9-46ab-a250-f43e8497a29a

05/25/08 - Ocean Acidification - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24797061/
06/18/08 - The recall of tomatos due to Salmonella - http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/betterplanet/2008/06/17/rotten-tomatoes-caused-by-climate-change/

THE CAUSES OF GLOBAL WARMING:
05/17/08 - Fat peeps cause global warming. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2008/05/what-shall-we-b.html

Blithering idiots on school board


The rest at The Toronto Sun:

BARRIE -- The mother of an autistic girl says the public school board was "completely unprofessional" to formulate a theory that her daughter was being sexually abused based on a psychic's perception.

Barrie resident Colleen Leduc wants an apology from the Simcoe County District School Board, which called in the Children's Aid Society (CAS) to investigate.

According to the board, the case is still under investigation, although Leduc says it was closed.

Leduc immediately pulled her 11-year-old daughter, Victoria Nolet, out of Terry Fox Elementary School in north-end Barrie.

"I have trust issues now," Leduc said. "What are they going to concoct next week?"

But, but -- the psychic said she was a witch. You can't blame us, we thought we had us a witch! Hey -- dipshits -- the Klown is clairvoyant and he says you peeps are a bunch of incompetent boobs who deserve to be in prison. Way to go, braying jackasses.

Objective media does it again


LOS ANGELES (AP) - A federal appeals court judge under scrutiny for sexually explicit videos and photos posted on a personal Web site is the victim of distortions and "outright lies" published by the Los Angeles Times, his wife charged Monday.

Marcy Jane Tiffany, wife of 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals Chief Judge Alex Kozinski, described some of the material stored on the home computer as raunchy and juvenile. Only about a half-dozen files among hundreds had a "sexual aspect," but they were not pornography, she said.

"Alex is not into porn - he is into funny - and sometimes funny has a sexual character," Tiffany wrote in a nearly 2,000-word defense of her husband, posted on a Web site called patterico.com.

In a brief telephone interview, Tiffany confirmed that she wrote the statement and declined further comment, except to quote the late Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan of New York, "Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts."

The newspaper's California editor, David Lauter, said in a statement that the articles were fair and accurate.

The stories "raised important issues on a matter of significant public concern," Lauter said. "The judge was presented with the facts ... and was given a full opportunity to respond."

Meanwhile Monday, U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts transferred a review of Kozinski's conduct to the judicial council of a different circuit. The chairman of the judicial council of the Philadelphia-based 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals, Chief Judge Anthony Scirica, then named himself and four other judges to handle the ethics investigation.

Kozinski called for the probe after news articles about the Web site were published. Separately, Kozinski last week declared a mistrial in an obscenity trial over which he was presiding.

The now-blocked material on the Web site, alex.kozinski.com, included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows, and a video of a man being pursued by a sexually aroused donkey. The Times said the site included images of masturbation, and a slide show featuring a striptease with a transsexual.

Yes -- never mind putting things into perspective, that's not the LA Times' bailiwick. Their bailiwick is misrepresenting facts to make conservatives look bad, putting it in the "news"paper and to attempt to get them put on trial -- knowing they are innocent of the charges but HOPING to catch them in a "lie" under oath -- and then prosecute them for the lie. Just like what the Democrat congress does with their "hearings."

D'oh - we didn't mean THAT pristine

WESTMORE, Vt. (AP) - From the beach of Lake Willoughby's Southwest Cove, the sheer cliffs of Mount Pisgah tower over the deep, frigid water. Across the narrows, Mount Hor's peak completes the look of a Scandinavian fjord.

In the summertime, the beach offers a different view: naked sunbathers. Southwest Cove is one of the most famous nude beaches in the country, but there's a move under way to make people put their suits back on.

For decades, people have come to visit the beach, which is listed in nudist guides and on Web sites. All are welcome, naked or not, while cameras without permission and sexual behavior are forbidden.

The beach is on public land that isn't visible from the highway. The state - which has no laws banning public nudity - advises visitors with a sign at a trail head leading to the beach that warns "be advised, you may encounter nude bathers." See? Now that makes sense. If you don't like it, don't go, jackass.

But some Westmore residents want to be able to use the beach without having to worry they or their kids will confront a naked person. They're pushing the town to pass an anti-nudity ordinance.

"For me, it's about common public decency - getting families and kids and people and Westmore back down to what they all talk about as being the most beautiful place, and they don't go there any more," said Tony Strange, who lives about a half-mile from Southwest Cove and helped circulate a petition asking the Select Board to enact the ordinance. I guess he hadn't thought of going to a different beach.

Regulars say the nude beach is an accepted part of the area that doesn't cause any trouble.

On a recent hot Saturday afternoon, about 15 people were at the beach. Other than the absence of swimsuits, there was nothing to distinguish it from a traditional beach: People brought beach chairs and coolers, some paddled canoes, others just sunbathed.

"We try to make it clean, safe and enjoyable for everyone, that includes families with children, that includes anyone from anywhere, and yet we're being accused of dominating the area," said David Timson of St. Johnsbury, who has been going to Southwest Cove for 20 years. He is head of a newly formed organization called Friends of Southwest Cove.

Westmore, about 20 miles south of the U.S.-Canada border in northeastern Vermont, has a year-round population of 319, which jumps to about 1,000 in the summer.

Town Clerk Greg Gallagher said the three-member town Select Board has been asked to deal with the issue of nudity before but chose not to. "They didn't see how they could enforce it," he said.

Enforcement remains a question, though the board is due to consider the issue again at its June 23 meeting.

Vermont has long been known for clothing-optional swimming holes, some clandestine, others semipublic. Southwest Cove, which is part of Willoughby State Forest, has had a reputation for being nude friendly for about a quarter-century.

Several years ago, the state Department of Forest, Parks and Recreation looked at the issue and decided to leave the situation as it was.

The only problem at the beach stems from visitors clearing it too much, said Forest and Parks Commissioner Jonathan Wood. By removing driftwood and vegetation, the users are interfering with natural processes. ROFL -- yes -- the Vermont libs want everything "pristine" -- it's ALL about nature, see? Hey, I wonder why it's ok to keep all the other beaches clean? What a collection of nitwits and braying jackasses.

"The front of the beach is getting undermined. We're losing beach," Woods said. "I don't care who's using it or what they're wearing, when you utilize public land you need to utilize it in a responsible manner."

Bob Drew, a summer resident who lives in Knoxville, Tenn., and is president of the 350-family Westmore Association, said the group's 11-member board was split 6-5 in favor of the nudity ordinance.

"We all have our personal feelings about it. I just don't go down there," said Drew, 75, "Most of them are fat old men like me. Who wants to see them?" That guy has it figured out.

Raymond LaFountaine, 41, of Magog, Quebec, and his wife travel to Westmore several times a summer to camp nearby and relax nude at Southwest Cove.

"I think it's a privilege because it's such a beautiful place, such a peaceful place, we can enjoy that little beach," LaFountaine said.

Strange said he and his family would also like to enjoy the beach.

"All we're looking for, you know, is no nudity on the public beach," he said. "You want to be naked in private, fine. ... I just don't want you to prance around like a puffed up chicken in front of my kids and think it's OK." Yes -- the libs -- they're ALL about pristine -- unless it interferes with their religious "sensitivities." I mean -- the universe made you naked -- so you're really only "pristine" when you're naked, right? Explain it to your children -- get with the brainwashing, jackass.

Make your own receipt


Make your own here:

Found it at J-Walk:

Jokes


The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.

He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,

"Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied,

"I'll know we're lost before you will."
--------------
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, was shocked when the woman's doctor said she had a heart condition that could kill her at any time.

She had to avoid stress, eat right, and never have sex again, or the strain might kill her.

They reluctantly tried to live by those rules but, over time, both got really horny, so the husband decided to sleep on the downstairs couch to prevent temptation.

For a few weeks, this arrangement worked; until one night, about 1 a.m., when they met each other on the stairs -- she coming down, he heading up.

"Honey, I have to confess," she said, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."

"Glad to hear that, sweetie," he answered, "because I was just coming up to kill you!"

From Miss Celania:

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Klairvoyant Klown was wrong !!

I originally posted this on June 17th - under the title "Truce with Hames = Joke"

Israel and militant group Hamas have agreed to end months of bitter clashes with a truce starting on Thursday, Palestinian officials say.

A Hamas official said he was confident all militant groups in Gaza would abide by the agreement, brokered by Egypt.

Israeli officials said they were "looking to see if this is serious".

Earlier at least six Palestinians were reportedly killed in Israeli air strikes in southern Gaza. Israel said it had targeted "terror operatives".

Islamic Jihad said a missile struck a car carrying five of its members near Khan Younis. A sixth man died in a separate strike nearby.

More here:

Sometimes I wonder wtf is wrong with the Israelis. Has Hamas ever honored a "truce?" The answer is "no" -- they are ALWAYS the first ones to break truces. This must be the kazillionth "truce" Israel has made with them and Israel never learns. The Klown gives it 48 hours before Hamas launches more rockets into Israel -- or -- maybe they're out of rockets for now.

UPDATE:

JERUSALEM - Palestinian militants on Tuesday fired three homemade rockets into southern Israel, the first such attack since a cease-fire between Israel and Gaza militants took effect last week. More here:

So - 48 hours (since my post) would have been the 19th but they made it all the way to the 24th. 4 EXTRA DAYS -- WOW.

Yes -- they deserve a state.

Idiot Republicans

Going into November’s elections, House and Senate Democrats are outbidding the White House on spending for immigration enforcement, with a special emphasis on deporting people convicted of major drug offenses and violent crimes.

Immigration remains a highly divisive political issue — especially in the House Democratic Caucus. But targeting convicted criminals is seen as safe ground for the party and a pressure point to highlight shortcomings in the current enforcement system.

A Homeland Security budget bill now moving through the House Appropriations Committee specifies that at least $800 million be spent after Oct. 1 to identify and remove the most violent and dangerous criminals from the U.S. And Senate Appropriations Committee Chairman Robert C. Byrd (D-W.Va.) is expected to take an even more aggressive approach Wednesday in his own plan, adding more money for Immigration and Customs Enforcement operations within Homeland Security. LMAO -- the libs grabbed the issue out of the hands of idiot conservatives who couldn't make up their minds. The conservatives waffled and screwed around on this and the libs changed course, grabbed the issue and are now preparing to beat the crap out of the conservatives with it. Too funny.

In the case of immigration enforcement, an April report to lawmakers from ICE estimates that between 300,000 to 450,000 illegal immigrants convicted of a crime are detained each year in federal, state, county and local facilities — all subject to deportation. But it was only last winter that ICE finally reached a point where it had 100 percent screening of state prisons, according to data submitted by the agency. And huge information gaps remain regarding prisoners in an estimated 3,100 county and local jails around the country. More at Politico.com:

Heyyy -- wait a minute -- weren't the libs just bitching like banshees about how the U.S. has 1.2 million peeps in prison? And now we find out that 35-40% of them are illegal aliens?

And yes, I assign a great deal of the blame to President Bush for this since he has been a terrible leader of the conservative movement and hasn't seen fit to appoint someone to lead the movement either.

Yes -- I'm with the presidink on the war on terror and on lowering taxes -- but that's about it anymore. All the Republicans do anymore is cater to these religious whack jobs and worry about who's having an abortion. There are a few good ones left -- but very few.

WTF is going on here?

Fifth severed foot found near shore
IAN BAILEY - June 17, 2008
VANCOUVER -- Yet another human foot has washed ashore in British Columbia waters - the fifth such gruesome find in the past year.

Delta police said yesterday a couple out for a morning walk found a left foot partly submerged in the water on Westham Island in Ladner, south of Vancouver.

"[They] observed a shoe floating in the water, thought it suspicious and called police, and we've determined it to be human remains," said Constable Sharlene Brooks of the Delta Police Department.

Constable Brooks said the foot was in a shoe, but that police will not be releasing details of the type of footwear at this time.

Asked about the other cases, Constable Brooks said, "As far as confirming a link, we're not there. It is very speculative."

The most recent similar discovery was on May 22. A right foot still clothed in a sock and running shoe washed ashore on Kirkland Island in the Fraser River. It was found by a man walking his dog.

The other feet - all of which were also in sneakers - were found in the Gulf Islands between Vancouver and Vancouver Island.

There has been no evidence that the feet were purposely severed, leading to speculation that the feet broke off human remains that were in the water for a long time.

Delta police are looking for answers. Investigators with the force's criminal investigation section are working with the B.C. Coroners Service and other police agencies to establish the identity of the foot and to see whether it is linked to the other cases.

"We're treating this as a criminal investigation," said Constable Brooks.

She said the police will not release further information until forensic work is completed. From The Globe and Mail.com

Global warming = Stealing your money


A year and a half ago, James Spann questioned the money and the so-called scientific consensus pushing the idea that mankind is causing global warming. Today, he says it’s losing steam. Two imminent surveys of meteorologists may further complicate the climate debate.

Spann, a broadcast meteorologist for ABC 33/40, an affiliate in Birmingham, Ala., downplayed the future of the global warming movement in a June 13 appearance. He was interviewed by Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council for its Washington Watch Weekly broadcast. Spann told Perkins:

“You know, there was some great power in that movement back in January of 2007,” Spann said. “It’s pretty rapidly running out of gas and it just seems like every day more and more people are coming out with the fact that that’s pretty much a hoax. And these are Ph.D climatologists that are pretty much saying what I said all along.” Read more of the story here -- or view the two-minute video here.

Marriage Counseling



After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Ralph and his wife, Mildred, decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion: “What seems to be the problem?”

Immediately, Ralph held his long face down without anything to say as Mildred began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5 — 10 — 15 minutes of listening to Mildred, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Mildred just sat there — speechless.

Ralph was staring in disbelief at what had just happened.

The counselor said: “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

Ralph scratched his head for a moment and replied:

“Well, I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Slow learner

From Bizzaro blog:

Poor old Obama


From IMAO:

Helicopter Ride Fail

From the Fail Blog:

Monday, June 23, 2008

Lefty peels self - Klown cracks up


“When it comes to politics, [actor Jack] Nicholson may want to ponder his very own losing streak: He tends to back also-rans in Democratic presidential primary contests,” the Washington Post's Mary Ann Akers and Paul Kane recounted in their “In the Loop” compilation on Thursday, June 12. They reported how “Nicholson's first choice was none other than Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio). On Jan. 10, Nicholson cut a $500 check to Kucinich's presidential campaign -- barely a week before the diminutive lawmaker bowed out of the race.”

Then “he wrote $500 checks in February to the debt retirement efforts of Sens. Joseph Biden (D-Del.) and Christopher Dodd (D-Conn.), both of whom left the race after dismal showings in the Jan. 3 Iowa caucuses” and, “finally, on Feb. 29, Nicholson picked a new presidential contender -- Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.). Just days before her big primary wins in Ohio and Texas, Nicholson sent a check for $2,300, the maximum, to her campaign.”

From Newsbusters:

Newt Gingrich gets the Klown buzzer

Bobby Jindal


Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.) said Sunday that Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal “would be far and away the best candidate” to appear on the Republican presidential ticket with Sen. John McCain (Ariz.).

Gingrich, who appeared on CBS’s “Face the Nation,” heaped praise upon the former congressman, saying that he is a “spectacular” governor and predicted that Jindal would be a presidential candidate in the future. More here:
-------------
Sure, Newt -- it'll be fine -- until the media finds this:

Louisiana's Governor Bobby Jindal has been mentioned as a potential veep for McCain, and he may bring some, um, interesting talents to the table -- such as excorism. This 1994 New Oxford Review article authored by Jindal, who converted to Catholicism in high school and is known for being very devout, has been kicking around the blogosphere. In it he talks about witnessing the exorcism of a female friend he identifies only as Susan.

An excerpt: Strangely, I found myself repeating the Hail Mary until it became a chant. Being a recent convert to Catholicism, I had yet to accept the Catholic doctrines concerning Mary and considered any form of Marian devotion to be idolatry. Though I had never before prayed a Hail Mary in my life, I suddenly found myself incapable of any other form of prayer.

Somehow, Mary's intercessions allowed me to find peace during that long night; I knew that I had survived the worst and that I would exit with my faith intact. It terrified me to recall how close I came to turning away from Christ out of fear.

The crucifix had a calming effect on Susan, and her sister was soon brave enough to bring a Bible to her face. At first, Susan responded to biblical passages with curses and profanities. Mixed in with her vile attacks were short and desperate pleas for help. In the same breath that she attacked Christ, the Bible's authenticity, and everyone assembled in prayer, Susan would suddenly urge us to rescue her.

It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand. While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages.

She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence "Jesus is Lord." Over and over, she repeated "Jesus is L..L..LL," often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture.

Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed "Jesus is Lord." With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, "Has something happened?" She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief. The rest of the essay here:

Planting ye olde roadside bomb

Uh - I reckon not

From Bits and Pieces:

Dropping the kiddies at the pool


The Klown contributes to your education.

From Bits and Pieces:

Blondes are no good at hummers


More weird accidinks here:

Found it at J-Walk:

Genius asks McCain a question


Ok -- on the second one, I'd have given him the "no really" speech and I would NOT have asked a third time because it make you look incapable of managing things. Other people are in the audience ... counting on you to keep control of a little town meeting ... counting on you to not let people waste your time. Of course, I wouldn't care if the media said I have a hot temper, but McCain is worried about it.

Also, I stop calling people "sir" when it is clear they have no respect for me. And lastly, why do jackasses usually LOOK like jackasses?

Found it at J-Walk: